Cat’s out of the bag.
It has been almost a month now that I quit a career breaking designation, that would have paved my name in Podcasting due to certain personal & creative reasons. But, its okay. Life’s like shopping. In my case, a precise shopper. I spend days or months before, “recce-ing“( a Singaporean term for scouting for stuff, eg. waiting for that perfect shoe to be on SALE or house hunting) for what I want. Be it clothes, shoes, bags or furnitures, I enjoy carefully browsing through sites and walking into stores to recce, before purchase. I always have this perspective that, “If you don’t get THAT beautiful sundress or maxi dress, it’s not meant to be. Shopping is NEVER-ENDING. There is always gonna be something better and prettier soon“.
Too easy going? I don’t know. But, that’s how I have lived my life for the past 5 years after my lifetime’s “dark episodes”. Oh, I know there’ll be more. But, that perspective has served me well as a prevention from getting a heart attack or a cardiac arrest, from life obstacles, as an adult.
I honestly cried happy tears, when I got that designation. I even told my ex-boss. It was the first real career for me. It was something I really, really love: Podcasting.
Funny how Podcasting, is just one word but it means a gazillion beautiful things and possibilities, to me.
So, here I am. Starting from scratch, once again at 32 years old.
“You should be married by now and have a family. You should have a stable career that would be able to assist your family, especially in the financial state that you are in right now. Why don’t you just find a full-time job to help your Dad? Why can’t you just commit? Do you have commitment problems? Why do you always think, you have to be different? Why do you always think highly of yourself? You’re not getting any younger. You’re Muslim, it’s gonna be hard for you. You have to be content with everything that you have. How are you ever possibly gonna make a change in this world, Shida? I don’t think Podcasting has a future, I don’t even know what a podcast is“, believe it or not, are some of the things said, that has brought me here, to this day with this podcast: ADOSSIER.
Mind you, this is not a success story. Yet.
After all the years, at this age, I learned how to surrender with much struggle. I am still getting used to it. It used to take me years to surrender. Not saying, it takes me seconds to accept things, now. But, with the realisation & that constant, blinking billboard of a sticky note in my head, that we are all just puny humans who is “loaned”, human superpowers from the mighty unknown, up above, I try not to sweat the small stuff and draw a bigger fireball every single time from that, to attempt to shift negatives to positives in our society, planet and world in whatever way, I am permitted or designated to.
Being an independent podcaster since 2018, is not easy. Still, not easy. Being a podcaster itself, is not an easy task. For ADOSSIER, I am a one-woman show. I split myself between Instagram (THANK GOD FOR “share to other social media” options), Twitter, Facebook, this WordPress, ADOSSIER’S main content, OFFSIDE, Monday Motivation posts, jokes for #SCUMBAGBRAINS posts, purchasing recording equipments from my own pocket, all the research, recording, all the editing, all the graphic collaterals, all the marketing collaterals, all the mistakes, currently in the midst of reviewing my listenership for future plans, scouting brands for ad sponsorship, all that and juggling my personal responsibilities, praying to God that my loved ones would understand and that one day, all this would pay off.
It would be such a lie for me to say that that I don’t envy people who come into podcasting with breezy, provided services. Studios. Equipments. Networks. Business people. Business help. Papers.
But, I’m not jealous.
Hey, some of them earned it so they can afford to pay for the provided services. Unless, you’re getting all that cash from your parents fortune and you just want to do podcasting because its the “in thing“, then you completely suck.
But, who the heck am I to judge?
It is weird to say that, quitting that job has justified that I am sailing the right way? As if that was my push.
I have a good feeling about this from the start and I still have a good feeling about this now. My intentions were true and it still remains true. Therefore, I am not complaining. Take it as an advice from me to those of you who wants to start Podcasting.
This past month has been hard for me but, it has been harder for one of my co-worker/friend. The incident that happened to her and her family, affected me tremendously, causing my head and heart to go into complete chaos, from the unknown. I looked at existence with fresh eyes and death, with a familiar empathy, but a 360 approach. One that, not many in society can relate with. Realising that it happened within a close circle of mine, only gives me absolute confirmation that it can happen, TO ANY ONE OF US. Anything, can happen to any one of us, ANYTIME.
It was a real-life murder.
I have asked her permission to cover this story from an outsider point of view. I hope I do her story, the deceased and all the families involved, justice and in time to come, I hope them nothing but clarity and peace.
We are just humans. There is only so much, in this world that we know about. Even with all the knowledge, success, health and wealth we have been granted. I hope we can all approach this with sensitivity and from this, take away something to be better human beings, at the cost of someone else’s.
Stay tuned to the next ADOSSIER main content for a narrative of my friend’s incident.
ADOSSIER 